Hard to think straight
I KNOW IāM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHOāS FEELING LIKE SOMETHING UNUSUAL IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW. Wherever you look, wherever you turn, the chaos seems to be building to a crescendo. I was just talking to my mum back in London today, and she was explaining the massive mess the UK government is currently in. The ruling Conservatives sacked Theresa May as their leader (which meant she also had to step down as the PM), and after a short race, the hardline pro-Brexiteer Boris Johnson won (and so, automatically became the new British Prime Minister, even with no elections.) Except, poor Boris has a working majority of just one, and half the Houses of Parliament donāt want to leave Europe and are āantiā Brexit, and there is a looming deadline for the UK to formally leave the EU already, by DATE; and the MPs arenāt prepared to give up on their three month long Summer holidayā¦ Long story short, it looks like there is another election probably going to happen there October 31st ā which is exactly Rosh Chodesh Cheshvan. France isnāt doing much better. [https://www.gatestoneinstitute.org/14643/france-sinking-chaos] Germany isnāt doing much better. [https://www.businessinsider.com/germany-just-went-into-a-recession-2019-1] The US certainly isnāt doing much better. [https://www.wtrf.com/local/amnesty-international-issued-a-travel-warning-when-coming-to-the-united-states/] And our own Eretz Yisrael [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/September_2019_Israeli_legislative_election] is also fairing pretty poorly on the āparliamentary democracyā front, with the latest polls showing pretty much a re-run of the last impossible situation which means itās very likely that again after September 17, no-one here will be able to form a viable government. ==== Even if we didnāt have Rabbi Berlandās explanation that the process of Moshiachās coming would stretch between 5775 and 5781 [https://ravberland.com/moshiach-revealed/], these are certainly momentous and highly unusual events. But with Rabbi Berlandās addition perush, or commentary, that these are the times of the coming of the Moshiach ā well, itās starting to look more and more that the Rav knew exactly what he was talking about. ==== IN THE MEANTIME, I DONāT KNOW IF ITāS JUST ME, BUT IāM FINDING IT SO HARD TO SETTLE TO ANYTHING AT THE MOMENT, OR TO GET ANYTHING DONE. Some days, it just feels like everything is so much effort ā even just answering emails, even just getting out of bed, even just moving around. Iām still doing a lot, trying to get a lot done, but itās hard to see through to tomorrow, let alone next week. Itās hard to plan anything. Itās hard to put any long-term goals in place, because everything just feels so very uncertain and up in the air. So every day, I wake up, do my hour of talking to God, do my morning blessings ā and then kind of let God decide how I will be spending my day. I canāt āforceā any issue right now, I canāt make any decision for myself. If I get a nudge from Hashem to do something, I get on with it and if I donāt ā I canāt do anything. Or at least, thatās how it feels. ==== I SEE THE SAME HEAVINESS AND LACK OF FOCUS ALL AROUND ME, AT THE MOMENT. At best, weāre going through the motions, and doing what we have to do and whatās really expected of us, but thereās very little āoomphā behind any of it. I was blaming my lethargy on the scorchingly-hot weather weāve had in Israel since Lāag Bāomer ā when Rabbi Berland released a prayer saying that our āsweatā would act as some sort of āshieldā or defense against all our enemies. Sure enough, I spent the next three months pretty much sweating through every single day, as I donāt have air-conditioning and the thermometer has been in the high 30s for days and even weeks at a time. Itās hard to get anything done when itās that hot, honestly. But the last few days have been much cooler again, and even pleasant. AND I STILL FEEL AS THOUGH IāM PERMANENTLY PREOCCUPIED, WADING THROUGH TREACLE, WAITING FOR THE SOMETHING, WHATEVER IT IS, TO FINALLY SHOW UP AND CHANGE THE WHOLE EQUATION. ==== Of course, Iāve been here before, 10 years ago, when all the banks started to fail back in 2008, and I was sure that the end of the world was upon us. But I was wrong. So, I learnt my lesson about rushing to give up the day job because it looks like Moshiach is within touching distance. EVEN THOUGH THATāS REALLY WHAT I WANT TO DO. I donāt want to waste any more of my precious time on apparently pointless, this world stuff like doing the monthly filing, and spongering the floors, and trying to figure out what book to write that really might give me a chance of paying my own way again in the future. But we havenāt quite got to that open and revealed spiritual world of the time of Moshiach yet, and so, Iām still sweeping the floor, and Iām still billing the clients, and Iām still working on book plans and business plans, even though increasingly, I really canāt be bothered. ==== I THINK WE MUST BE CLOSE ā VERY CLOSE, EVEN ā TO THE TIPPING POINT. But itās not a linear process, and who knows how hidden and underground the whole matter of Moshiach may still be. So, for now, my day continues to be filled with things that I donāt really want to be doing, and stuff that I totally donāt care about and am not really engaging with. Itās hard to write in this state, itās hard to put things together into a coherent whole. Iām struggling with so much brain-fog. Thatās just the way it is until the something shows up thatās going to change the whole picture, and make it far more obvious to far more people that these are not ānormalā times. In the meantime, Iām just hoping this process of waiting and watching wonāt stretch my meagre reserves of patience too thin, and drive me even more bonkers than I already am. Which is quite a big prayer, all by itself. ==== https://ravberland.com/redemption-is-a-process/ Ā