The Secret of Waiting: The Danger in Wanting to See Immediate Salvation
Lesson No. 3 | Lesson 1 - (Continuation from tape no. 2) Motzaei Shabbos Kodesh Parashas Kedoshim, 30 Nissan, 1st day of Rosh Chodesh Iyar 5755
A surprising explanation from the Jerusalem Talmud on the verse "Hand to hand shall not go unpunished from evil": Why does the expectation to receive immediate reward for prayer or tzedakah (charity) actually distance the Yeshuah (salvation)? An article of strengthening on emunah (faith), patience, and the self-nullification required when standing before the Creator.
A New Explanation: "Hand to hand shall not go unpunished from evil"
The Gemara brings the verse in Mishlei: "Hand to hand shall not go unpunished from evil" (Proverbs 11:21).
Usually, we are accustomed to interpreting this verse according to Halacha, as referring to a person who gives money to a woman directly from hand to hand, and must be careful not to look at her during the giving. Even if he is as righteous as Moshe Rabbeinu, if he does not guard his eyes, he "shall not go unpunished from the judgment of Gehennom." This matter of guarding one's eyes is a tremendous foundation, especially in crowded places like Sha'ar Shechem (the Damascus Gate), where the spiritual danger to the eyes and the mind is even more severe than physical dangers, and one must walk there with their eyes literally closed.
However, the Jerusalem Talmud brings a new and deep explanation of this verse, which directly relates to our service of prayer and hisbodedus (secluded personal prayer). Rabbi Pinchas says: "Hand to hand shall not go unpunished from evil – this refers to one who gives *tzedakah* and asks to take its reward immediately."
The Danger of Immediate Expectation
A person gives tzedakah, he gives a thousand dollars, and is already calculating how he will make a million from it. He gives in order to become rich. He wants to see the blessing "immediately." The same applies to prayer: a person does an hour of hisbodedus, and he already expects to see the bride for his shidduch (marriage match), to see the apartment, to see the million dollars in the bank, and the savings for his grandchildren. He finishes the hour and says: "Where is Hashem? Why isn't Hashem answering me? I did an hour of hisbodedus!"
Regarding this, it is said, "Hand to hand shall not go unpunished from evil." This approach, where a person wants to receive the reward immediately into his hand, is the root of the problem. It shows that his desire is pressured and panicked. From Heaven, they tell him: "You want it immediately? Go ahead, take it immediately." But this is not a blessing; it is a curse.
This is similar to the concept of Shmita (the Sabbatical year). The Torah says: "And if you say, 'What shall we eat in the seventh year?'... I will command My blessing upon you in the sixth year" (Leviticus 25:20-21).
Hashem has no problems. But when a person worries and asks, "What will we eat?", he is essentially trying to manage things himself. When a person worries about three years, he has to work three times as hard. He has to hire workers, supervise them, and work twenty-four hours a day to gather the grain, leaving him no time even to sleep. He thinks this is a blessing, but it is enslavement. In contrast, if he had bitachon (trust in Hashem) and would "go out quietly," he would see the trees full of fruit in such abundance that there is no need to steal and no need to fear—an abundance that descends to the world to cover all the years.
Do Not Make Plans for Hashem
Hashem does not need our help in running the world. Our problem is that we try to make plans for Hashem: "Where is my bride? Where is my apartment?" The person wants to arrange Hashem's schedule, to rush Him. He says: "Master of the Universe, You are certainly not cruel, so I will rush You a little bit with some screams."
One must know: Do not rush Hashem! Hisbodedus is something else entirely. Hashem knows exactly what you deserve, and He will give you the absolute best thing, something no one else has merited. But He knows the right day and the right moment. If you ask to receive the reward immediately, you are like that person who brings a sack to the field and is already yelling, "Load me up!"
What is True Hisbodedus?
People start talking about hisbodedus, but they do not really know what it is. Hisbodedus is not standing before Hashem and yelling: "Come on, give it to me already! Give it to me already!" That is not called hisbodedus; that is called eating the cake. It is like a child who yells in the middle of a meal, "Give me, give me."
True hisbodedus is standing like a "servant before his master." When a person engages in hisbodedus, he needs to feel that he is currently standing in the Heavenly Court, where he is being judged for every thought and every sight. He must stand in submission, like a poor man at the door, like a son beside his father.
Halacha states that one must wait one hour before prayer. What do we do during this hour? We do not run away immediately. We stand in awe and reverence, not out of anger and not out of frivolity, but out of the joy of Torah. We do not rush Hashem; rather, we nullify ourselves to Him.
Hisbodedus is the place where a person cries from the depths of his heart: "Master of the Universe, where am I? I am committing sins and cannot manage to stop, I am spiraling downward and do not see the end." This is a cry of truth, of a person who understands that he has no power of his own, and he is solely dependent on Heavenly mercy. Only when a person reaches this place, of nullifying the desire to receive an immediate reward and standing like a servant before his master—this is the beginning of the Yeshuah (salvation).
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